Raze (The Completionist Chronicles Book 4) Read online

  “I…I’m–”

  “I don’t actually care. Leave us alone.” Joe turned back to Jaxon, suddenly all smiles again. “Jaxon, what happened to you? What are you wearing?”

  “Oh, it’s been an interesting few days!” Jaxon cheerfully stated, giving Joe an unwanted hug that left a thin film of blood and sweat behind. The bald man gave a weak smile, trying not to gag as he cast Cleanse on Jaxon and himself. A disk of water traveled up and down their bodies, followed by the woman with Jaxon as an afterthought. “Ah, I’ve missed your tricks. Oh! Before I go too far, I need to feed my hands a treat. Been too busy the last few days to really do so.”

  “Feed yer… hands?” Bard smiled uncomfortably. “Ah feel like ya have an interesting story fer me ta tell.”

  “One… moment.” Jaxon ignored the others, including the pompous man’s group who was still standing awkwardly near them. A box appeared in Jaxon’s hands from which he pulled a brick of… meat? With a strange distortion, Jaxon’s hands shifted into lizard-like heads and began tearing into the meat.

  The people in the area all shouted, flinched, or took a step backward with two notable exceptions. The woman with Jaxon, as she appeared used to this, and Joe, who took a step closer with wonder filling his eyes. As the hands finished their snack, Jaxon held them aloft so they could roar their joy into the sky.

  “Are those…?”

  “T-Rex Head Hands,” Jaxon cheerfully stated, pulling the now-placid creatures closer to his body. “They are a skill called Living Weapons.”

  “T-Rex Head Hands.” Joe’s eyes were burning with excitement, and as the other group took the chance to escape the situation, Joe wanted nothing more than to grab the miniature beasts and study them. “Long name. If they always come out together, could we call them something else?”

  Jaxon smiled happily. Now here was a man who appreciated the finer things in life. “Sure, Joe. What did you have in mind?”

  “How about ‘Rexus’?”

  “Interesting. Rexus.” Jaxon rolled the word around in his mouth for a moment. “Rex, as in King, which is where T-rex comes from in the first place. Rexus as a whole, though… that means ‘a mature, self-possessed, and responsible nature’. Absolutely perfect, Joe. That describes me perfectly.”

  “Glad to hear it, man!” Joe studied the head-hands intently until they shifted back into regular hands. “Oh, that might have been the coolest skill I’ve seen the entire time I’ve been here! I want some!”

  “We can talk about it later. We’re in a cornfield,” Jaxon stated with a cautious smile. When there was no reaction, he snorted and looked around. “Ears everywhere? Come on, that expression can’t be that outdated.”

  “Oh, yes it can, Jaxon.” The woman standing next to Jaxon chimed in with a sigh. “Hi, everyone. I’m Jess since I highly doubt Jaxon was going to introduce me. He forgot I was traveling with him a few times over the last week.”

  “I’ve missed you, Jaxon.” Poppy snickered, reaching out a hand to the lady. “Very nice to meet you, Jess. I’m Poppy, the leader of this team.”

  Alexis slapped his hand out of the air as Jess reached out. “He most certainly is not. Joe here is team leader. I’m Alexis, the second-in-command.”

  “Hi there! I feel like I’ve heard enough about you that we will be able to skip all the awkwardness!” Jess exclaimed happily.

  Her smile cracked when Jaxon spoke up, “From who? I don’t think I’ve talked about them to you at all.”

  The low-charisma Chiropractor waited impatiently for a response. “Was it those PvP assassins you used to hang out with? They don’t seem like the sort of people to give happy information very often.”

  “Jaxon… I was going to make a joke where I said, ‘not really, Jaxon is insane and can’t hold a real conversation’, but you are just the worst!” Jess turned and tried to stab Jaxon with an extra-shiny dagger that had appeared in her hand.

  The man dodged easily and smiled. “Thank you, Jess! I was wondering how you planned to keep me battle ready while we were in a safe area, but I should have known you had something planned!”

  Joe watched them go back-and-forth a few more times, but then he stepped in. “Alright, well, we’re going to go attack a subterranean quest area right now. You interested in coming along?”

  “I’d love to, but I am currently starving and dehydrated. Near death actually,” Jaxon replied matter-of-factly. “I could really go for a–”

  Joe had already set up an IV using Cleanse, and the lines on Jaxon’s face started to ease. Guessing that Jess was likely in a similar situation, Joe set a spell on her as well. Now used to Joe's abilities thanks to the ‘nice to meet you, have a cold shower’, she dodged the spell and slashed the water out of the air, then glared at Joe with dangerous eyes. “Oh, shoot, I’m sorry. It’s a buff that gets you hydrated. I’m a healer. Sometimes I forget that not everyone knows who I am.”

  “Got it,” Jess slowly spoke the words, then watched Jaxon for a moment as more and more water flowed into him. When his face didn’t change away from cheerful and he didn’t attack the healer, she nodded at Joe. “Alright, that could really be helpful if you wouldn’t mind.”

  “Not at all.” Water wrapped up her arm in an instant and began flowing into her veins. She relaxed as the subtle debuffs began vanishing. “Let’s get you guys some food, and then would you like to join us, Jaxon?”

  “But of course!” Jaxon smiled and started walking toward the dining area. “Also, Jess here would like to join us as a strategist. Crawling through dark places seems to be what she is interested in.”

  Jess had an aggrieved expression on her face, and she ran her hands through her hair before blowing out a breath. “Yeah. That wasn’t the introduction that I had been hoping for, but it’ll have to do… I’m Jess. I’m an aspiring strategist and team logistics manager. I’m here hoping for a job and a guild invite.”

  “You spent the last week with Jaxon?” Alexis narrowed her eyes at the woman. “How many times did you try to kill him?”

  Jess looked stricken. “I… being honest… about six?”

  “Not even once a day?” Alexis clapped and smiled. “She has really good self-control, Joe! I say we take her!”

  Joe looked at Jess in a new light, a few cogs in his brain settling into place. “Alright, Jess. We don’t have a position on the squad per se, but I think that we could find a great use for your talents. I don’t know what class you have, but if you want a different one, one more specialized for what you really want to do… have you heard of the Pathfinder’s Hall?”

  Jess looked up at the black, egg-shaped building that Joe was gesturing at. “What is that used for?”

  Joe just smiled at her.

  Chapter Six

  After a trip to get rid of the near-starvation debuffs the two had returned with, Joe took Jess through the Pathfinder’s Hall and found her a class more suited to her liking. The guild clerks running the place had insisted that they pay the fee for a non-guild member using the building’s services, which had exasperated Joe to no end. He owned this place!

  He calmed down after he realized that they were being more than fair. After all, it was Joe who had worked with the guild to find a good middle ground between ownership and management. Jess went into one of the stalls and came out a handful of minutes later, her face set and contemplative. The Pathfinder’s Hall didn’t give you a class, it only showed the way along paths that had already been tread by someone else. From the look on Jess’s face, the path she had chosen required hard work but was manageable.

  “We’ll get you all set up with the guild after we’ve been able to work together for a while. Sound good?” Joe’s question was mostly rhetorical, as he had no intention of bringing her in without testing her capabilities himself.

  “It does.” Jess sighed and ran her hand through her hair with a flick of her wrist. “Not being able to log out has definitely changed my reasons for doing what I’m doing, but it doesn’t change the f
act that I need to want to be doing what I do. Does that make sense?”

  “If I think about it a little, yes. At face value, it seems all over the place,” Joe bluntly replied, getting a grin from her.

  “Oh, have you seen the news?” Jess met Joe’s eyes with a dark look. “Looks like we aren’t here because of a glitch or anything like that. This is a new reality, apparently. Somewhere in this place, President Musk is hanging out and walking among us. Showed it on live television.”

  Joe’s steps faltered. “So… now we have proof that the beings in here aren’t digital constructs? They are for sure… real?”

  “What is real?” Jess flippantly turned the question back on him. “I guess it’s best to treat everything like an actual living being, if that’s what you are asking.”

  Joe nodded as they walked along, deep in thought. They found the rest of the team waiting for them, and Jess waved and headed off to find a place to get some sleep. Without needing to tell the others, the group got moving along the path. “Hey, someone want to actually share the quest with me?”

  “Oh! Me as well, thank you!” Jaxon chimed in.

  Quest gained: Salty Sensations. The Wanderer’s Guild has been surveying the area in an attempt to find natural resources to exploit. One of these locations is a salt mine that may connect to a previously demolished ore mine. Search the area, defeat any creatures inhabiting the salt mine. Bonus objective: Find a way to access the ore mine from the salt mine. Reward: Based upon work completed. Failure: This quest is failed if abandoned or completed by another group first.

  “Got it, thanks!” Joe called over to Poppy, who removed his hat with a flourish and bowed. “Shall we get going? Anyone need anything before we go?”

  “You planning to go out and about with only what you’re wearing right now?” Alexis looked critically at what Joe had equipped. Of course, she could only see his robe and staff, but that highlighted a point that Joe had been avoiding for quite a while. He was very under-equipped. In fact, he took a look at what he was wearing in his status screen to see the effects of the gear he had on.

  Robe of Liquid Darkness (Rare). Wearing this robe makes you look a bit wet but increases the power of dark affinity magic by 10%.

  Shoes and Socks. Reduces the penalty for walking over sharp objects, also keeps feet dry for up to three hours from standard wear.

  Mystic Theurge Staff (Ironwood) (Special: Dual Class). Mystic Theurges place no boundaries on their magical abilities and find no irreconcilable paradox in devotion to the arcane as well as the divine. This staff helps to unite their power. Effect: Adds 10-20 blunt damage on strike. -12% cast time when casting either Cleric or Mage spells. Halves penalty for using cross-class (Mage or Cleric) skills. Note: This is a two-handed item, and only one spell may be cast at a time using it.

  Spatial Codpiece (Legendary). This functional piece of armor also serves a greater purpose; it is able to store thirty cubic meters worth of items. Goods must come within two inches of the armor to be stored but can be retrieved directly on to the body or into the hand as long as the codpiece is touching your skin. Adds 5 points to overall armor class and prevents blows from damaging your genitals entirely. Let’s just say your junk is safely stored.

  Joe loved the descriptions of his useful items, but… yeah. He had equipment slots for underwear, shirts, pants, belts, robes, shoes, and socks. On top of the regular clothing, he could have armor, and he had dozens of possibilities for accessories even if he wouldn’t use some of them such as nose piercings. When he looked at his current choices critically… he was grossly underdressed and frankly kinda gross. Going commando wasn’t supposed to be a valid option, but he had been able to heal any chafing easily.

  No! He couldn’t think of the convenience of his mostly-nude self. Wait… he had been lifted into the air a lot recently… shake the thought off, shake it off! There had to be gear out there that could get his abilities boosted or protect him better than he could manage currently. Joe pulled a nasty expression and mumbled, “I’ll gear up when we get back, alright?”

  “Hmm.” Alexis narrowed her eyes further, then stuck her tongue out at him. “Fine, but if you need help shopping–”

  “We can go together!” Jaxon clapped his hands in delight, and Poppy snapped his mouth closed right before he offered to show Joe around the city’s shopping area. “It’ll be fun! The warrant for my arrest just timed out, so we can go have a great time!”

  “Yeah, you can go with Jaxon.” Alexis heartlessly laughed. There were chuckles all around, except for an excited squeal from Jaxon. They chatted for a bit as they traveled through what was left of the woods and felt nice and caught up after only the forty-minute walk to the quest location.

  “Is it jus’ me, or do tha’ look like jus’ a hole in ta ground?” Bard pointed at the entrance to the salt mine, which was certainly just a fissure in an otherwise rocky area. “Ah feel tha’ Poppy should go first!”

  “Wait, what, why?” Poppy whirled around with the question on his lips so quickly that he nearly lost his hat.

  “Ya know, ta poker ya got.” Bard mimicked stabbing straight forward. “No wind-up needed, ya get me?”

  Poppy tried to argue, but the words kept failing to come out of his mouth. “Fine, you actually made sense. Lazy raggamuffin. Scoundrel.”

  Joe had been about to offer going first when he remembered that he was much more on par with a standard mage these days. With that thought in mind, he dumped nine hundred points of mana into his Exquisite Shell. Breathing heavily, he looked at his mana bar as it slowly refilled and stopped at eight-eighty-six, ninety points having been reserved for the upkeep of his protection. “Ugh. Man, that hurts the ego.”

  The group walked single-file into the darkness, the route worn down from use over time, though the footprints they left in the dust were showing that no one had been here for quite some time. Poppy cleared his throat, and the whole group went on high alert. “So, how do they know that this was a salt mine? It could have been anything, or nothing.”

  “The Mayor, Sir Bearington,” Joe offered uncertainly. “He’s been here a long time, and I think he would know a bunch of the resources in the area even if he hadn’t been able to produce enough manpower to get at them.”

  “Sounds about right to me,” Alexis offered. Then the group lapsed into silence once more as they got deep enough underground that it became hard to see. They pulled out various light sources, mostly torches; though Poppy activated a gem-like object on his hat that created a flashlight effect wherever his hat pointed.

  “Look at tha’, ye’ another reason ya should be up front!” Bard proudly exclaimed, getting a dirty look from Poppy in return, though the flamboyant Duelist didn’t say anything in reply.

  They walked for a few more minutes before the group all flinched at the same time, a sign that all of them had gotten a system message.

  You have entered a level five natural dungeon, the final resting place of the Legends of the League. This is one of the saltiest known places that can be found in the seven worlds. Keep an eye out for the naturally-occurring resources as well as the protectors! This dungeon will only remain until it is cleared, after which point the area can be claimed for incorporation into a guild or business venture!

  “Interesting,” Joe commented after reading through the entire message. “This place shouldn’t be all that challenging for us then. Oh, hey, I have a progress bar!”

  “What? What does it say?” Alexis stepped closer as if she would be able to read the information herself.

  “Just ‘zero out of question mark’ right now,” Joe responded after double checking. “I guess this is my dungeoneer title activating?”

  “Not giving a ton of information though?” Alexis stepped away, following after the rest of the group as they continued. “If there isn’t a point in keeping the title, at least you know which one to remove when you earn a better one!”

  Joe frowned. So far, he had never seen a title that had such
little effect, and he resolved to keep an eye on it. As they walked, he gained his answer. Another progress bar appeared, showing an ‘area explored’ title. “Got a fresh one! Looks like we have explored two-point-three percent of this place already.”

  “Now we’re talking!” Poppy called back. “Everything seems a little easier when you know for sure how much you have left to do.”

  Then a third bar appeared, and Joe stared at it. No information appeared, and it stayed in place near the wall as they walked. “Odd, a new bar appeared, but I think it’s connected to the wall. Let’s take a look?”

  They walked closer, but nothing about the wall seemed to explain the attached bar. Joe poked at the spot, and it exploded outward in a shower of salt. “Gah!”

  “Ree-he-he-he!” A salty blade bounced off Joe’s Exquisite Shell, taking a few dozen points of its durability away due to what had most likely been a critical hit. There was a monster in front of Joe, something that looked like a centaur with blades where its human hands should be. It had the lower body of a horse, the torso of a man, but the head of a horse again. Also, as far as Joe could tell, it was entirely made of salt.

  An arrow slammed into the creature’s chest, blowing a massive hole through the beast. It didn’t seem to care and swung again at Joe just as Jaxon lashed out and obliterated the top half of its body. Jaxon looked at his fist with a snarling expression, then shook it to clear off the accumulated salt. “Nasty little things. Does a NaClydesdale mean anything to you guys? They’re only worth ten experience, just so you know.”

  “I bet that any wound they give you is coated in salt,” Alexis commented, getting a nod from Jaxon as he shook out his hand. “Looks painful. Joe, wanna wash that off for him?”

  “Sure thing.” Joe hadn’t even thought of that! This was just one more reason he wanted to give Alexis the reins of leadership. He would have to get her alone and talk about it. A quick Cleanse got rid of the salt, and Jaxon instantly looked relieved. “Looks like what I was seeing on the wall was that thing’s health bar.”