Something (Full Murderhobo Book 1) Read online

  Once he was pretty deep into the right side of the downhill path, he turned so that he was running directly down again. A long few minutes passed, where he was uncertain if his plan was going to work… then he heard the herd. A deep, bellowing, “Baaa!”

  The right herd hadn't really acknowledged his presence, but it was hard to miss the thousands of rivals in their territory. A full-on territory war began, and the left herd was blindsided by the attack. Their focus was solely on him, so the right-siders were picking them off with impunity. Luke had killed one and a half hundred thousand of them over the last few years, and the population decrease was met with a subsequent boom for the left-siders.

  This meant that Luke could run with less conflict on this side, but if he had started on this side… he would still have been overrun. A veritable wall of goats was charging uphill toward him to meet the invading goats, and Luke could have sworn he saw surprise on their goateed faces when they saw him. “Get ‘em, Cookie! Paste those stupid bleaters!”

  He half-turned to fully swing Cookie, and any goat hit was either sent flying or was turned to bloody paste. To be fair, the creatures only came up to his knees, and were about as light as a Noble’s prize-winning poodle. Luke ran faster, holding Cookie to his side and leaning to the right to compensate for the weight. He attacked again and again, killing indiscriminately as the goats came after him. “There’s something different over there! Oh, celestials above, there’s a change in scenery! Get out of the way! I see shrubberies!”

  On the horizon, small green plants dotted the ever-downward slope. The thick knee-high blue grass was replaced by ankle-high grass, and there were even other types of plants! He would have cried for joy if he hadn’t been running for his life. Several minutes later, he leaped into the new area and spun around, swinging his weapon as hard as he could to catch the goats that were hot on his heels.

  His strike met only empty air even as a weak chime came from his forehead. Luke looked into the grass, and saw that the goats had stopped and were watching him. Ever so slowly, they melted back into the sea of grass. Luke glanced around him and found… nothing. There were no visible monsters here. The reaction of the goats though… that was concerning.

  First order of business: the shrubberies! Luke raced over, excited beyond belief about this simple change. A new plant for the first time in over three years! He got closer, closer… then jumped in the air and swung Cookie down in a devastating overhead blow. The plant, berries and all, was pulverized and rendered into splinters and splattered juices. Luke circled around the newly-made crater and searched to see if it had been hiding a creature, or if it by itself was deadly. As far as he could tell… there was nothing.

  Luke started walking, hoping to find a safe haven or place he could use as a base while he figured out why this area was dangerous. It had to be dangerous, right? “Hmm… the width of this area is larger. I’d say… three-quarters of a mile, instead of half of one? If there aren't any monsters here, I’d best move on and get through before this place changes its mind.”

  His run across the lush grasslands had only taken about thirty minutes, so Luke had the entire day to work. He scoffed as he thought of how long he had been trapped with the goats, only to escape by running without stopping for a mere ten miles. Then his mind stuttered, and Luke realized that he had just run ten miles in thirty minutes, while fighting. “What… I’m not even winded…? How did that happen? Was it really ten miles, or did it just feel that way?”

  “How fast are goats? How fast was I moving? That’s not possible. What… what am I?” He needed to understand what had changed. Luke did something that he hadn't done in almost two years.

  He started removing the entirety of his armor.

  Layer after layer landed on the ground, and the extra-beefy form slimmed down further and further, until he was looking at pale skin that reflected the ambient light in the area. Though it still grew, he had no hair on his body; the water had taken it off him every time he dunked himself in and the liquid started to evaporate. Luke inspected his arm, musing that it would look more at home on the arm of the old blacksmith in his hometown. Still, his skin was unblemished and smooth.

  His hands, which had held weapons, wielded tools, and beaten down goats for years without pause… had no calluses. They were as smooth as a scholar’s, but the skin was as tough as hardened leather. “Well, can’t say that this place has been bad for my physical health.”

  There was no excess fat on him, and with his armor off… Luke started to circle the area, swinging Cookie around and moving through the primal martial art he had created. It was focused on direct, brutal attacks. There was no subterfuge; every motion held the intent to kill if it landed. Beyond being a veiny chonk of hairless muscle, Luke found that he was fast without his armor on. He started sprinting and used his momentum to tumble while running at full speed; Cookie stayed nearly stationary in the air as Luke used it as a counterbalance.

  He had long since gotten used to this sort of motion, and it was second-nature to him now. Still, when he sat and thought through what he was doing… he had no explanation for the rapid improvements. Three years shouldn't have been nearly enough time to transform him like this. Not with his poor diet and lack of a proper training plan. Luke wanted a mirror, or a reflecting pool.

  “Oh… I hope I can find some water in this area.” Finally done admiring himself, he turned back to the task at hand. “Cookie? I need to get as far as I can today… but imma crush every bush I come across, just to be on the safe side. That work for you?”

  Cookie bobbed in Luke’s hands, more than enough of an answer. He started putting his armor back on, and soon was back in full gear. Luke took off running, and true to his word, demolished every single bush he came close to in passing. He found that the downhill slope had a slight leftward curve, which would make sense in this odd corkscrew world. Since the whole thing appeared to be a flat spring shape, the only way it would have a right curve would be if he were going uphill! Who would want to go uphill?

  “Pfff. Uphill; am I right, Cookie?” Chuckling at the inane thought, he gauged the distance he had traveled. It was almost halfway through the light cycle of the planet, and he was pretty sure that he was going to be nearing the next area soon. “Looks like this zone was… fifteen miles? Does every zone increase by half? Half again as wide, half again as long? This place was specifically created, then? It’s artificial?”

  Luke looked back, and saw nothing beyond grass, shrubberies, and pulped shrubberies. “What a strange area… onto the next!”

  Slowing as he reached the clearly-defined edge of the next territory, there was a sharp line where the grass ended and stone began. Luke looked upon the next challenge that awaited him. He could see a creature, and it appeared to be waiting for him. It didn't step onto the grass, but its eyes followed him exactly; and it moved to intercept if he veered off toward another direction. The creature waited for him just past the point the grass faded into rocky earth, and it wasn’t going to let him pass for free.

  It appeared to be a gorilla, but its front limbs ended in an oversized metallic plate that could separate into three distinct bladed claws. The creature, like everything else in Murder World, was blue. In fact, because of that, Luke almost didn't notice that it had no fur. Instead, it appeared to be coated in a fine gravel grit. “Great. A stone monkey with metal claws. Oh, and it’s following me. Perfect.”

  “Are you my trainer, finally here to teach me the way?” He didn’t hesitate, charging forward with a scream of glee and swinging Cookie with all his might. “I bet you have a pearl, too! Time to go into the Cookie jar, ape!”

  The bone hit, and a cloud of dust exploded from the beast as it tumbled away. “Yea-”

  Luke went flying, and Cookie twirled in the air beside him. He landed with a sick feeling, and found that gasping in air was difficult. He sat up, coughing blood and phlegm to the side. “What…”

  The ape was back at the edge of the territory, s
taring at him impassively. There was no indication that it had been hit, and nothing that made him think that it was angry… but he had the feeling that if he had landed on its side of the distinct line in the dirt, he wouldn’t be getting up right now.

  He felt at his armor, and found a row of three gashes that went through two full inches of his goat-hide wrappings. “Is this some kind of… *wheeze*… sick joke? I fought murder goats for three years, and the next trial is an abyssal metal-and-stone murder ape?”

  *Chime*.

  As per usual, there was no reply to his shouting into the air. He sat down and opened his pack. Repairing his armor and healing were both going to take time. Luke took a long drink of water, then poured the remainder over himself; wincing as it burned in - and on - his body. It always seemed to hurt a lot more when he was injured.

  Over the next week, he tried everything he could think of to get around the ape. It was always waiting for him, however, and eventually Luke started to run out of food. He made the trip back to the goats and tried to enter, but it seemed a full-scale war was raging. They were also on the lookout for him, and whenever he got close, a ‘bahhh’ would ring out, and a wall of flesh stood prepared to attack him if he entered the grassland.

  He also found out why they didn't cross the edge of their designated area. Luke decided to force them to come to him, and pulled out the tier-four pearl. The draw had been too much for the goats that were right at the edge, and they swarmed toward him. As soon as they crossed into bushland, their bodies exploded, starting with their heads.

  Luke was shocked, but honestly didn’t mind all that much. The only real downside was that only an inedible paste remained of the goats. To counteract his ability to draw them in, the goats moved back further into their own territory. It was a game that he didn't have the time to play; Luke was hungry. He managed to pull a few goats over after crushing their heads, but it took at least a dozen a day to keep him from starving, and he just wasn’t getting that.

  Finally breaking down, Luke went to a shrubbery and ate one of the berries. Honestly… it felt like eating a steak! Cow meat! And so juicy! He waited a few minutes, and found that his body wasn’t having a bad reaction to it. Luke ate a few more and moved on, collecting and eating as many as he could find. “So simple; such sensually succulent steak.”

  It was only later that he found the issue with the berries; Luke lay on the ground, staring up with overly-large pupils. “Why do the pink fluffy unicorns dance on the rainbows? They could be doing anything… they can fly! Instead, they dance there for hours!”

  The Sigil on his forehead was sparking madly, and with a tortured *chime*, it popped and went fully dark. Luke nodded as the singing unicorns suddenly got louder and more numerous. “It makes so much sense! Do what makes you happy, fluffy critters! Except you. I don't know what you are trying to pull, but I know you’re a goat!”

  The fluffy unicorns in the sky swarmed the imposter, goring it until it fell to the earth far in the distance and exploded into glitter and rainbows that the unicorns could dance on. Luke nodded as his eyes started to flutter shut. “Good call, ‘Corns. Goats are pure evil… and they got weird little square eyes. Taste good, though.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  - Andre -

  “You know what?” Xan told a sweating and bleeding Andre. “A year isn’t all that bad for figuring out how to make your first real circle. “Beyond that, you are really embracing the theory more than any other generation of Druid.”

  “Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you let those bear-hunting bees at me when I didn't fully internalize the lesson?” Andre replied in a dead-tired voice around still-swollen lips.

  “I didn’t let them through. You did, because you thought that you could skip steps.” Xan shook his head with mock sadness. “That doesn’t matter right now! You made your first circle!”

  Andre let his head fall to the side, taking in his surroundings. There were wolves, chittering bugs, horrible yet natural amalgamations… if he hadn't succeeded this week, he would have been in range of the creatures that seemed to be afflicted with an unnatural hunger for his flesh. “Ya~a~ay.”

  “So… how do you feel?” Xan expectantly prodded.

  “I’ve been stung by insects that can kill bears, slashed by insectoid talons and… and…” Andre blinked, sitting up and feeling at his previously swollen skin. “What’s happening?”

  “Oh, did I not mention that when you are in an area fully bound to your magic, the bound objects happily donate their essence to empower you? No?” Xan tapped his chin. “Strange, that seems like something I would tell you. Didn’t we have that lesson?”

  “Xan! Empower me? What just happened?”

  “Ugh, simple terms are still needed?” Xan *tsk’ed* at his charge, but his smile was getting harder to hide. “The things bound to you will boost your recovery when you are in range. Healing, mana regeneration, stamina. Everything. With enough bound to you, you will eventually be as difficult to destroy as a natural mountain. Druids are lucky in that, normally people need to just wait to heal, or get a personal healer. But, well, ultimate defense means ultimate defense.”

  “Now we’re talking!” Andre sat up with a wild grin on his face, but was slapped back down by Xan.

  “Let’s not forget that you are only bound to grass. You have empowerment and boosts from a weed, Andre. Also, only when you are on the ground bound to you.” Xan laughed as his charge spat out a mouthful of blood and looked around fearfully. He was now surrounded by beasts on all sides. “Oh, don’t worry about them. Those are my bound creatures.”

  A bugbear walked past and gently high-fived the Druid before skittering off. The others also dispersed, and Andre could only stare around in exasperation. “A year of threats, and none of it was real?”

  “It was all real, Andre.” Xan waved at the area around them. “How do you think I bound them? I needed to get them all in circles, and you didn't seem to mind being the wriggling bait for me.”

  “As respectfully as possible, I really kinda hate you, Xan.” Andre closed his eyes and swallowed.

  “I’m glad that you are putting respect in all things, Andre.” The Initiate ignored the snickered response and looked at his status.

  CAL Scan

  Level: 1

  Current Etheric Xenograft Potentia: 57/200 to level 2!

  Body: 3.2

  Mind: 8.2

  Presence: 3.75

  Senses: 3.45

  Health: 76

  Mana: 170

  Mana regen: 2.43 per second

  The constant running, meditation, and control exercises had allowed Andre to increase every aspect of himself. Not terrible increases for the last eight-ish months, certainly not something that could be done back on his mana-poor home planet. Even so, a few measly points was all he had to show for an entire year of throwing himself into his studies as if his life depended on it. Not even level two, and his abilities were at the very minimum necessary to do the work Xan required of him. It was enough to drive a man into doing very dumb things. “Xan, how far can I increase my stats through non-leveling?”

  “He wants a lecture after tuning me out to preen over his stats?” The instructor shook his staff at the younger man, then shrugged and sat beside him. “Sure, why not. Call it a reward for your first circle. Through training, you can get any sub-characteristic up to ten. That is considered the ‘mortal limit’. For Ascenders, that’s easy to move past; only two level-ups away at any time. After you break through the mortal limit by leveling, you could continue increasing your characteristics indefinitely. There are simply diminishing returns with any training you can do, so that would take a long time in a mana-rich environment to see significant gains. Tell you what; say ‘extended status sheet’. Time for you to learn what all your characteristics do for you.”

  “Thank you.” Andre had never seen this portion of his characteristics before, and new meant exciting! “Extended status sheet!”

>   CAL Scan

  Level: 1

  Current Etheric Xenograft Potentia: 57/200 to level 2!

  Body: 2.45

  Fitness: 3.8

  Resistance: 2.6

  Total Health points: 76

  Total Physical Output: 190 kilos

  Poison/disease resist: 3.2%

  Mind: 8.3

  Talent: 7.3

  Capacity: 9.1

  Mana regeneration: 2.43 per sec

  Total mana: 170.2

  Spell Cooldown reduction: 5%

  Presence: 3.75

  Willpower: 4.7

  Charisma: 2.8

  Dominate resist: 14.10%

  Dominate chance: 8.40%

  Stealth break: 18.75%

  Senses: 3.45

  Physical reaction: 2.9

  Mental energy: 4

  Dodge chance: 2.90%

  Magic resist: 4.00%

  Stealth engage: 17.25%

  Health: 71

  Mana: 170.2

  Mana regen: 2.43 per second

  “As you can see, there are three sub-sub-categories. Each sub-category impacts one and a half of the doubles-subs.” Xan wrote out all of Andre’s characteristics in the sand. “Fitness determines Physical Output, fifty kilos of lifting power per point, and determines half of Poison or Disease resistance. Resistance is the other half, as well as determining your total estimated health; fifty points plus ten health per point.”

  “Okay…” Andre looked at that information and sighed. “I feel strong and healthy, though. That number seems so… low?”

  “Prove it wrong, then. No one else ever has, but you go ahead.” Xan snorted at his Initiate’s sour expression. “Mana regenerates at a third of your talent, and talent is worth four total mana per point. Capacity is worth ten mana per point, and everyone has a base of fifty mana. Also, Capacity allows you to use abilities faster. You already have a five percent cooldown reduction; that’s outstanding for being natural.”